So all last month, I had someone copy-edit my posts. That's right. I had a professional copy-edit my post about lost hookers. Nicola's a good friend of mine from back in high school. She's pretty darn good at what she does, and she's taking on new clients right now!
I tend to blog very irregularly. I'll word-vomit some stuff, sometimes only half-awake, and then hit the "Publish" button without much through. Then I'll catch all my errors and and to go back and edit. Much swearing ensues when this happens.
With a copy-editor, you don't need to go through all that. Someone else can catch those errors, and Nicola won't judge your weird-ass writing content either. Within hours, you'll get your feedback and then you can smash the "Publish" button to your heart's content!
If you are trying to do something actually professional and need an extra set of eyes to check your grammar and verbiage, then check out Nicola J Thompson. You can also check out some of her writing there at that link as well. She's good. She's better than me. Give her a look!
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Helping lost hookers
It was early morning back when I was working my paper route. I only had a couple blocks left and was actually set to get done well ahead of schedule for my deliveries. It was winter and it was dark and slightly drizzly. I paused to open up another bundle of newspapers, and that's when she knocked on my car window.
"Please," she pleaded with me. "I'm trying to find my sister's place and I'm lost and my phone is dead. Can I borrow your phone and log into my Facebook? I don't know her number and that's the only way I can look it up."
She seemed nice enough, just a teary-eyed lost gal out in the street. It was about 4 AM and there wasn't anywhere else she could really get help, so I obliged. After all, I myself have had to rely on the kindness of strangers at odd hours of the morning before.
When she finally got ahold of her sister, she didn't seem to be much help.
Lost woman: "What's the address? ...you don't know it? Turn at the gas station? What station? I don't know the area I don't know the gas station....no I don't know it! ...Please just tell me where you are, this lady is letting me use her phone and she's waiting...I don't know the gas station!"
Me: "I know a gas station nearby. It's just down the road. Come on let's go I'll give you a lift."
Lost woman: "Really? OhmyGodthankyousomuch!!!"
I didn't think too much of it at the time; I'd picked up hitchhikers before while on the route and given them lifts, and this one seemed no different. We went to the gas station, and that's where we hit a snag.
Lost woman: "She says turn right at the gas station."
Me: "Facing the gas station which way? It's on the corner."
Lost woman (into the phone): "Facing which way? ...No it's ahead of us so which way to we turn?... Please I don't know where I am.... no don't get mad.... noooo she hung up. Hang on, let me call my uncle." She called another man and repeated that she was lost. He was giving her the same vague directions.
Me: "Alright, what's the name of the apartments?"
Lost woman (after asking her uncle): "He says it's Village Apartments?"
Me: "Okay, I don't know where that is, but I know a couple possibilities so we can drive around and check them out."
Lost woman: "OhmyGodthankyousomuch!!!"
It was as we were driving around the area trying to find these "Village Apartments" that I overheard things that made me realize her "sister" on the phone was probably not the biological kind.
Lost woman (continuing the conversation on her phone): "I know I ran away... It was crazy! They got into a fight in the [cheap motel I used to work at] parking lot and she smashed his window in with a crowbar! Then they said they were calling the police. She stayed behind to fight him but I ran away. I got a cab driver to get me this far and then this lady picked me up and we're trying to find you. I was so scared! I can't get arrested again!"
At this point I started looking around trying to see if any cops were searching the area because now I was a bit nervous I was possibly harboring a fugitive. It gradually became clear to me that this was a "working girl" who had been at a job at the motel and something had gone south.
We spent several minutes driving around. She got off the phone and told me about how she had been praying to her late father that someone would come help her and then I showed up, and she thought I was sent divinely. I nodded politely while still keeping a keen eye out for any police as I was afraid of being caught with this woman in my car.
Eventually we found the place, which was not "Village Apartments" but a complex of a different name. I made sure she made it back okay. She thanked me profusely. A man opened the door who seemed far too young to be her "uncle". At that point, I knew for sure I'd picked up a hooker.
Moral of the story: When you pick up a lost hitchhiker, make sure the police aren't after them before you do.
"Please," she pleaded with me. "I'm trying to find my sister's place and I'm lost and my phone is dead. Can I borrow your phone and log into my Facebook? I don't know her number and that's the only way I can look it up."
She seemed nice enough, just a teary-eyed lost gal out in the street. It was about 4 AM and there wasn't anywhere else she could really get help, so I obliged. After all, I myself have had to rely on the kindness of strangers at odd hours of the morning before.
When she finally got ahold of her sister, she didn't seem to be much help.
Lost woman: "What's the address? ...you don't know it? Turn at the gas station? What station? I don't know the area I don't know the gas station....no I don't know it! ...Please just tell me where you are, this lady is letting me use her phone and she's waiting...I don't know the gas station!"
Me: "I know a gas station nearby. It's just down the road. Come on let's go I'll give you a lift."
Lost woman: "Really? OhmyGodthankyousomuch!!!"
I didn't think too much of it at the time; I'd picked up hitchhikers before while on the route and given them lifts, and this one seemed no different. We went to the gas station, and that's where we hit a snag.
Lost woman: "She says turn right at the gas station."
Me: "Facing the gas station which way? It's on the corner."
Lost woman (into the phone): "Facing which way? ...No it's ahead of us so which way to we turn?... Please I don't know where I am.... no don't get mad.... noooo she hung up. Hang on, let me call my uncle." She called another man and repeated that she was lost. He was giving her the same vague directions.
Me: "Alright, what's the name of the apartments?"
Lost woman (after asking her uncle): "He says it's Village Apartments?"
Me: "Okay, I don't know where that is, but I know a couple possibilities so we can drive around and check them out."
Lost woman: "OhmyGodthankyousomuch!!!"
It was as we were driving around the area trying to find these "Village Apartments" that I overheard things that made me realize her "sister" on the phone was probably not the biological kind.
Lost woman (continuing the conversation on her phone): "I know I ran away... It was crazy! They got into a fight in the [cheap motel I used to work at] parking lot and she smashed his window in with a crowbar! Then they said they were calling the police. She stayed behind to fight him but I ran away. I got a cab driver to get me this far and then this lady picked me up and we're trying to find you. I was so scared! I can't get arrested again!"
At this point I started looking around trying to see if any cops were searching the area because now I was a bit nervous I was possibly harboring a fugitive. It gradually became clear to me that this was a "working girl" who had been at a job at the motel and something had gone south.
We spent several minutes driving around. She got off the phone and told me about how she had been praying to her late father that someone would come help her and then I showed up, and she thought I was sent divinely. I nodded politely while still keeping a keen eye out for any police as I was afraid of being caught with this woman in my car.
Eventually we found the place, which was not "Village Apartments" but a complex of a different name. I made sure she made it back okay. She thanked me profusely. A man opened the door who seemed far too young to be her "uncle". At that point, I knew for sure I'd picked up a hooker.
Moral of the story: When you pick up a lost hitchhiker, make sure the police aren't after them before you do.
Friday, April 6, 2018
How to tulip without tulips
I love the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. Every April I grab a pair of boots I don't care about and a raincoat and go frolic in the fields. I love the seemingly endless color when the fields are in full bloom!
I used to live nearby and could go whichever week I wanted, but now that I reside on the other side of the state my travel options are more restricted. This year it was looking like a mild winter, so I opted to schedule time off for the first week in April. In the weeks leading up to my trip, the tulip growers themselves were forecasting decent blooms by the end of March. In March's final week, however, a sudden cold snap and a surprise April Fools' Day snow caused all the flowers to collectively hit their "snooze" buttons.
Alas, it was too late to cancel my plans. I was committed.
Normally when the fields are in full bloom, it's a full-day event for me. I start at Tulip Town from when they open until lunch and grab a bite before heading to Roozengaarde until dinner, where I grab a bite in La Conner. (Tip: Visiting the growers in this order allows you work your way north-to-south, which is easier traffic-wise than attempting the other direction.)
With minimal blooms this time, however, I had much shorter visits. This didn't get me down, though. There's so much to do. So, what do you do when you're stuck with minimal blooms? I'll tell you what to do!
I used to live nearby and could go whichever week I wanted, but now that I reside on the other side of the state my travel options are more restricted. This year it was looking like a mild winter, so I opted to schedule time off for the first week in April. In the weeks leading up to my trip, the tulip growers themselves were forecasting decent blooms by the end of March. In March's final week, however, a sudden cold snap and a surprise April Fools' Day snow caused all the flowers to collectively hit their "snooze" buttons.
Alas, it was too late to cancel my plans. I was committed.
Normally when the fields are in full bloom, it's a full-day event for me. I start at Tulip Town from when they open until lunch and grab a bite before heading to Roozengaarde until dinner, where I grab a bite in La Conner. (Tip: Visiting the growers in this order allows you work your way north-to-south, which is easier traffic-wise than attempting the other direction.)
With minimal blooms this time, however, I had much shorter visits. This didn't get me down, though. There's so much to do. So, what do you do when you're stuck with minimal blooms? I'll tell you what to do!
Art Appreciation is Always in Season
My favorite art gallery is Art in a Pickle Barn, which several years ago actually outgrew the pickle barn and in recent years has been hosted by Azusa Farms & Gardens. It's just up the road from Tulip Town. (Driving hint: Your GPS will take you to the entrance off Highway 20, but if you just head north on Bradshaw Rd from Tulip Town, it has a back driveway at the dead-end you can easily access without dealing with the highway traffic.) It provides a nice indoor reprieve from the inevitable rain as well. You can vote for your favorite piece in their People's Choice competition.
Tulip Town also has a small indoor art gallery where for three years in a row I've purchased from the same artist, Barbara Marks. The featured artists take turns running the register throughout the month and love to discuss their art. They have original prints but also lots of prints, mugs, magnets, etc. with art featured on them.
La Conner is magical with beer and shopping
La Conner is always worth a stop, Tulip Festival or no. Despite it being rainy and mid-week, I still struggled to find parking downtown. So I parked in their pay lot on the edge of town and walked through downtown. A few years ago they revamped their boardwalk which runs along the Swinomish Channel. Several sculptural art pieces dot the boardwalk and really the town in general.
Lunch was found at La Conner Brewing Company. They have a rotating selection of decent beer. This time around they were featuring a raspberry wheat ale which was absolutely amazing! It had a bit of raspberry flavor that wasn't too sweet or overpowering. I also noshed on their Thai chicken pizza that was on special that day. They brew beer and ciders, but even if you're a teetotaler the food is always excellent on its own.
There's not enough room to describe the shopping in La Conner. I always go antiquing at Nasty Jack's Antiques, which is my favorite antique store ever. I particularly appreciate their brothel memorabilia and vintage comics, but they have a wide variety of books, furniture, vintage kitchen utensils, and anything else you could imagine. They also have an old-timey photo booth in the back as well.
Across from the brewery, I also found myself drawn to Handmade La Conner. Their window display featured a lap quilt that read "Thug Life", and inside the store did not disappoint. They had lots of gifts such as mugs, stationary, and crafts. Amusingly, many were profanity-laden, which suits me just fine. They also have a massive selection of soaps, lotions, and candles that they make on-site in the back room of the establishment. I was tickled to have discovered this gem of a store that I'd never been to before!
There is just so much hiking!
As evidenced by my other blog, I love hiking. Despite the rain, I headed out to Kukutali Preserve on the Swinomish reservation. It's a nice short hike near La Conner that heads out around a small forested island. Amusingly, daffodils have migrated out to this island and grow among the trees and ferns.
A bit further away, Anacortes has tons of hiking as well. The Anacortes Community Forest Lands (ACFL) are massive, with a vast network of trails that weave through them. Sugarloaf is a particular favorite hike of mine that's short and steep, but with over 50 miles of intersecting trails, there are lots of options. Be sure to bring a map with you!
There's still some color in the fields
Roozengaarde grows more than tulips. They grow daffodils, which bloom early, and irises, which bloom late, so throughout the month you're going to find something that's colorful and growing out of the mud. Unfortunately they can't control when the flowers decide to bloom. Even if nature decides to not cooperate, you can still find some flowers and then go do all the other things I just listed to make up for the rest of the day!
Whatever happens, make the most of it and have fun!
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Interesting facts about Katt
My company has an upcoming symposium where we all go to Portland, get drunk, and take a bunch of continuing education classes. The getting drunk and the going to classes don't necessarily overlap (but they don't necessarily don't overlap either).
So, this was a conversation with my boss and a coworker the other day.
Boss: "Corporate wants us to submit fun facts about ourselves for the symposium."
Coworker: "What sort of 'fun facts'..."
Me: "...and what do they want to do with this information?"
Boss: "I don't know probably some teambuilding thing. I think they just want information like '[Coworker] rides horses' and 'Katt likes hiking' and stuff like that."
Coworker: "Oh, that's okay."
Me: "I do more than hiking you know. Hiking isn't a 'fun fact'. Tell them about the time I was involved in an international Timbits smuggling ring. That's a fun fact. Give Corporate that one and see what they do with it!"
Apparently, people think I do hiking and that's it! So I want to set the record straight and give you some more things that make me special, so you can get to know me better. There's more to me than hiking. For example:
See? I'm a far more dynamic person than just hiking!
So, this was a conversation with my boss and a coworker the other day.
Boss: "Corporate wants us to submit fun facts about ourselves for the symposium."
Coworker: "What sort of 'fun facts'..."
Me: "...and what do they want to do with this information?"
Boss: "I don't know probably some teambuilding thing. I think they just want information like '[Coworker] rides horses' and 'Katt likes hiking' and stuff like that."
Coworker: "Oh, that's okay."
Me: "I do more than hiking you know. Hiking isn't a 'fun fact'. Tell them about the time I was involved in an international Timbits smuggling ring. That's a fun fact. Give Corporate that one and see what they do with it!"
Apparently, people think I do hiking and that's it! So I want to set the record straight and give you some more things that make me special, so you can get to know me better. There's more to me than hiking. For example:
- I was maybe slightly involved in an international Timbits smuggling ring.
- I can use my boobs to get streets plowed in the winter.
- I once broke into a smoke-filled house to save a passed-out person from burning to death in a fire (but it turned out there were no open flames, just their extremely overcooked food that they needed saving from, and they weren't passed out from smoke they were passed out from alcohol so I didn't get lauded as the hero I thought I was going to be).
- I am really good at breaking into houses because my BFF in high school kept locking herself out of her house, and now people are disturbed at my ability to get into places that are locked.
- I know I can drink at least 10 cups of coffee and a Red Bull a day without dying.
- In Girl Scouts I learned how to build a campfire, set up a tent, and artistically TP cabins at other campsites.
- I once jumped off a flight of stairs because I thought it would be faster than walking down; technically I was right...
- I have a pet guinea pig I adopted when I found her in a trashed motel room. She's now seven and a half years old and might be immortal.
- I used to be deathly afraid of boats until my "friends" somehow talked me into whitewater rafting and threw me off the raft and I survived it.
- If you want to go with hiking, at least mention that I carry purple fuzzy handcuffs on my hiking back for inside joke reasons that I've long since forgotten. My trail name is "Kinky".
See? I'm a far more dynamic person than just hiking!
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
Genitalia Fonts and Gender Equality
Long time no write. I just needed to vent.
Because of reasons, I was looking up penis fonts. As in, letters made with penises. It was for Dungeons & Dragons group-related reasons, and I'm just gonna leave it at that.
The point is, this search lead me down a rabbit hole. There are just so many penis fonts out there to download, you guys! As I fell down my Google-image search cascade (with safe search off, terrifyingly), I also found boob-themed fonts. Penises and boobs!
But you know what I couldn't find? Vulva fonts. They don't exist. I couldn't find them anywhere. It's a niche that needs to be filled, methinks. What happened to Rule 34? I am so disappointed in the Internet right now that I could find nothing.
I asked a few artist friends how much commission $$ it would take to design one, and now they've blocked me from Facebook.
This is an atrocity. We need vulva-themed fonts! Vulva-themed fonts for gender equality!
</drunk rant>
Because of reasons, I was looking up penis fonts. As in, letters made with penises. It was for Dungeons & Dragons group-related reasons, and I'm just gonna leave it at that.
The point is, this search lead me down a rabbit hole. There are just so many penis fonts out there to download, you guys! As I fell down my Google-image search cascade (with safe search off, terrifyingly), I also found boob-themed fonts. Penises and boobs!
But you know what I couldn't find? Vulva fonts. They don't exist. I couldn't find them anywhere. It's a niche that needs to be filled, methinks. What happened to Rule 34? I am so disappointed in the Internet right now that I could find nothing.
I asked a few artist friends how much commission $$ it would take to design one, and now they've blocked me from Facebook.
This is an atrocity. We need vulva-themed fonts! Vulva-themed fonts for gender equality!
</drunk rant>
Friday, January 26, 2018
Car chases and fights (and why illegal aliens aren't illegal enough)
I don't think illegal aliens are illegal enough. Hear me out here. Now, there's a lot of right wing speculation about how illegal aliens are criminals and rapists and all this shit. I don't buy any of it at all. Not one bit.
Have you ever been on the highway behind an illegal? They drive exactly the speed limit to 5mph under. They can't risk getting pulled over, because that could potentially lead to deportation, so they follow all the rules perfectly and stay under the radar. Meanwhile, I'm stuck behind them, late for work because I stopped to get my non-fat sugar-free venti latte and now I'm honking my horn and tailgating them hoping they'll speed up. But they won't. They're gonna be so fucking perfect. They're gonna play the role of the perfect model citizen. In my humble opinion, they don't break enough laws.
Literally, they will not go above the speed limit ever. Let me give you a case example.
In high school, a couple of my gal pals came up to me because was the only one in our friend group who had a car.
Friends: "Hey we need you to drive us after school so we can beat up our boyfriends and dump them."
Me: "Beat them up?"
Friends: "It's okay, they're illegals so they can't go to the cops about it. They're cheating on us so we're gonna beat them up." [Ed. note: this is a horrible and atrocious excuse to beat someone up. The being illegal part, not the cheating part anyway.]
Me: "I don't know..."
Friends: "We'll give you $15 for gas money."
Me: "...so when am I picking you up again?"
Hey, when you're a broke high school student, $15 can go a ways.
So I picked them up after school and we drove to where these couple guys worked hoping to catch them after work, when we saw their truck leaving the parking lot.
Friends: "That's them! After them!"
They headed to the interstate, and I dutifully followed.
Friends: "Pull up beside them!"
So I pulled up beside them. There we were, cruising down the interstate. My friends rolled the windows down and were leaning out screaming at them. They rolled their window down and were screaming things back. Birds were flipped.
And then the car behind me honked.
Because we were going 50mph in a 70mph zone.
These guys had a habit of staying well below the speed limit, and our provocations did not change that in the slightest.
I sped up to the speed limit and passed them. We got off at the next exit, waited for them to pass, then re-merged onto the highway. I caught up and pulled up beside them. Again, windows rolled down, screaming matches ensued....HONK!
Passed them, took the next exit, waited for them to catch up, back on the interstate, screaming match until traffic backs up again, lather rinse and repeat.
This went on for 30 miles. They made no attempt to speed or evade us at any point. They just kept driving like perfect little law-abiders.
The best part happened when we finally made it to their apartments and parked.
Friends: "We're gonna go fight them but don't worry, quiet hours here aren't until 10 PM and they can't call the cops on us until then."
(Note: That's not how it works; only in our naive teenage minds did we think that's how it worked.)
The "fight" fortunately didn't progress past verbal. I stayed in the car; I was only the wheelman after all. All around, neighbors poked their heads out their doors to witness the verbal smackdown. I kid you not,the tenant of the unit I was parked in front of walked outside and watched for a minute, then went back inside for five minutes...
...and returned with a giant bowl of popcorn and stood there munching away while my friends dumped their now-ex boyfriends. As dramatic and serious a fight as we thought it seemed at the time, apparently the neighbors perceived it differently.
The fight went on until 9:59 PM. True to their word, at 10 PM they shut up and got back in the car and we drove off, being the considerate teens we were.
Have you ever been on the highway behind an illegal? They drive exactly the speed limit to 5mph under. They can't risk getting pulled over, because that could potentially lead to deportation, so they follow all the rules perfectly and stay under the radar. Meanwhile, I'm stuck behind them, late for work because I stopped to get my non-fat sugar-free venti latte and now I'm honking my horn and tailgating them hoping they'll speed up. But they won't. They're gonna be so fucking perfect. They're gonna play the role of the perfect model citizen. In my humble opinion, they don't break enough laws.
Literally, they will not go above the speed limit ever. Let me give you a case example.
In high school, a couple of my gal pals came up to me because was the only one in our friend group who had a car.
Friends: "Hey we need you to drive us after school so we can beat up our boyfriends and dump them."
Me: "Beat them up?"
Friends: "It's okay, they're illegals so they can't go to the cops about it. They're cheating on us so we're gonna beat them up." [Ed. note: this is a horrible and atrocious excuse to beat someone up. The being illegal part, not the cheating part anyway.]
Me: "I don't know..."
Friends: "We'll give you $15 for gas money."
Me: "...so when am I picking you up again?"
Hey, when you're a broke high school student, $15 can go a ways.
So I picked them up after school and we drove to where these couple guys worked hoping to catch them after work, when we saw their truck leaving the parking lot.
Friends: "That's them! After them!"
They headed to the interstate, and I dutifully followed.
Friends: "Pull up beside them!"
So I pulled up beside them. There we were, cruising down the interstate. My friends rolled the windows down and were leaning out screaming at them. They rolled their window down and were screaming things back. Birds were flipped.
And then the car behind me honked.
Because we were going 50mph in a 70mph zone.
These guys had a habit of staying well below the speed limit, and our provocations did not change that in the slightest.
I sped up to the speed limit and passed them. We got off at the next exit, waited for them to pass, then re-merged onto the highway. I caught up and pulled up beside them. Again, windows rolled down, screaming matches ensued....HONK!
Passed them, took the next exit, waited for them to catch up, back on the interstate, screaming match until traffic backs up again, lather rinse and repeat.
This went on for 30 miles. They made no attempt to speed or evade us at any point. They just kept driving like perfect little law-abiders.
The best part happened when we finally made it to their apartments and parked.
Friends: "We're gonna go fight them but don't worry, quiet hours here aren't until 10 PM and they can't call the cops on us until then."
(Note: That's not how it works; only in our naive teenage minds did we think that's how it worked.)
The "fight" fortunately didn't progress past verbal. I stayed in the car; I was only the wheelman after all. All around, neighbors poked their heads out their doors to witness the verbal smackdown. I kid you not,the tenant of the unit I was parked in front of walked outside and watched for a minute, then went back inside for five minutes...
...and returned with a giant bowl of popcorn and stood there munching away while my friends dumped their now-ex boyfriends. As dramatic and serious a fight as we thought it seemed at the time, apparently the neighbors perceived it differently.
The fight went on until 9:59 PM. True to their word, at 10 PM they shut up and got back in the car and we drove off, being the considerate teens we were.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Does anyone have real budget advice for when you're broke?
This month I am working on improving my finances by getting a second job. It's worked out for me in the past, except this time around it won't be a daily commitment. I don't really need it, as I'm not broke broke, but it will help me pay down debts and give me a little fun money. I'm in a weird stage where I have an actual living-wage-paying job, but am still reeling from the effects of being broke for so long and spending the last of my savings moving across the state in order to obtain said job. It's a transitional phase.
The last time I took a second job, I was living off ramen noodles struggling to keep a roof over my head. Payday was a treat where I would go to McD's and get a McDouble (back when it was still on the dollar menu) and a small coke. That was my twice-monthly treat. The rest of the time, it was ramen noodles. Sometimes I would afford veggies to supplement the noodles. Meat was out of the question. Between my ex and I, we made $1000 too much annually to qualify for food assistance so I got a job as a paper courier and got up at 3 AM every single day to deliver papers. 3 AM, seven days a week, 365 days a year. I kept that job for nine years, which was probably at least eight years two long. I was living in the cheapest apartment you could find in town
I always laugh at budget advice I read to help poor people be less poor. Buy less coffee and less avocado toast. When you are poor, you are not buying those things. You're buying the bare essentials and eating the cheapest food you can find. You're turning off the heat and bundling up. You're putting off things like car maintenance for another month, hoping that missing an oil change doesn't turn into a more costly repair down the road.
The thing that made me laugh most was an article I saw recently that had a breakdown of what a household budget could look like. "You should put 10% of your net income toward debts". I laughed. Even now that I'm not broke, I think between student debts, medical debts, credit cards, and my auto loan, my monthly minimums come out to more than 10% of my net income (and you always want to pay more than the minimums, as those same budget sites will always tell you). I am sure those lenders would love it if I told them sorry, can't make the minimum payments because only 10% of my income goes to debts.
I admit I am shit at budgeting. My method has always been pay whatever upcoming bills are due on payday and use whatever's leftover to attempt to afford food and gas until the next payday. Should there magically happen to be money leftover, that can go into savings, but for many years there wasn't money leftover. It was never about dedicating a certain percentage of your income toward budget categories. It was pay your bills and hope you can afford food after. I count myself lucky, since I was able to have enough to at least cover my bills on time; I've known plenty who didn't even have that luxury, and not because they were living beyond their means either.
I don't have the magic advice to help people who really need it. I just wish there was some real advice out there, instead of just telling people to stop eating avocado toast (I've never eaten avocado toast). My only advice is pay all the fixed bills come payday, and then try to survive off what's left. Also beans and rice are cheap and if you eat them together it's a complete protein. My doctor doesn't like it because she says I need a healthier and more diverse diet but fuck it, she can cut the avocado toast out of her diet and pass the savings to me so I can buy veggies. Until then, cope as best as you can.
The last time I took a second job, I was living off ramen noodles struggling to keep a roof over my head. Payday was a treat where I would go to McD's and get a McDouble (back when it was still on the dollar menu) and a small coke. That was my twice-monthly treat. The rest of the time, it was ramen noodles. Sometimes I would afford veggies to supplement the noodles. Meat was out of the question. Between my ex and I, we made $1000 too much annually to qualify for food assistance so I got a job as a paper courier and got up at 3 AM every single day to deliver papers. 3 AM, seven days a week, 365 days a year. I kept that job for nine years, which was probably at least eight years two long. I was living in the cheapest apartment you could find in town
I always laugh at budget advice I read to help poor people be less poor. Buy less coffee and less avocado toast. When you are poor, you are not buying those things. You're buying the bare essentials and eating the cheapest food you can find. You're turning off the heat and bundling up. You're putting off things like car maintenance for another month, hoping that missing an oil change doesn't turn into a more costly repair down the road.
The thing that made me laugh most was an article I saw recently that had a breakdown of what a household budget could look like. "You should put 10% of your net income toward debts". I laughed. Even now that I'm not broke, I think between student debts, medical debts, credit cards, and my auto loan, my monthly minimums come out to more than 10% of my net income (and you always want to pay more than the minimums, as those same budget sites will always tell you). I am sure those lenders would love it if I told them sorry, can't make the minimum payments because only 10% of my income goes to debts.
I admit I am shit at budgeting. My method has always been pay whatever upcoming bills are due on payday and use whatever's leftover to attempt to afford food and gas until the next payday. Should there magically happen to be money leftover, that can go into savings, but for many years there wasn't money leftover. It was never about dedicating a certain percentage of your income toward budget categories. It was pay your bills and hope you can afford food after. I count myself lucky, since I was able to have enough to at least cover my bills on time; I've known plenty who didn't even have that luxury, and not because they were living beyond their means either.
I don't have the magic advice to help people who really need it. I just wish there was some real advice out there, instead of just telling people to stop eating avocado toast (I've never eaten avocado toast). My only advice is pay all the fixed bills come payday, and then try to survive off what's left. Also beans and rice are cheap and if you eat them together it's a complete protein. My doctor doesn't like it because she says I need a healthier and more diverse diet but fuck it, she can cut the avocado toast out of her diet and pass the savings to me so I can buy veggies. Until then, cope as best as you can.
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