In my defense, I wasn't actually drunk when I locked myself out of my house. I took an Uber to the company holiday party, so I left my house without my car keys. Which means I left my house without my house keys.
It was a good thing I didn't drive. The drinks they had were strong. You'd think the company party would be the opposite, but I watched them pour my vodka-cran and that thing was like 80% vodka it was awesome.
This meant, of course, when I got home, I was totally sloshed. Bonus: it was move-in day at the newly-constructed 4-plex next door, so at 9pm I'm stumbling around my house trying to find an open window while assuring my new neighbors "It's cool, I live here, I'm just locked out, but really I live here..." It was the most amazing first impression I've ever made short of the time I went to an internship orientation with chocolate all over my face.
Then I went to my other neighbor and begged for a flathead screwdriver to try and pry a window open. While he hunted for the screwdriver, I had to play with his kid and unconvincingly play it off like I wasn't totally wasted.
Finally we got a window open. My neighbor, wisely not trusting my sobriety and coordination, dutifully climbed through my window to go unlock my house.
Don't do what I did, kiddos. Keep a key hide around your house so you don't have to drunkenly break into your own place.
On the plus side, the next morning at work I found the table centerpiece I'd drunkenly stolen. I put it to work. We had the most adorable table topper at the entire party.
