How I almost drowned and then learned to swim

I learned to swim when I was five. Some of my friends, many in fact, learned to swim when their parents dumped them in the lake/river/pool/cesspit and forced them to learn. My parents did not do that to me. That was for the best, because I assure you it would not have worked.

As I started kindergarten, we were in the process of moving and were living in a condo. "Condominium" was too long a word for me at the time so I went around telling people I lived in a "condom", because I was too adorable and innocent to understand the error of my ways then. I'm sure my parents were so proud.

Our condo had a lap pool with an adjacent shallow area. My dad was an avid swimmer, so he would plop me in the shallow end while he swam laps. One day when we were the only ones there, I noticed the 4-foot deep markers in the "adult" area of the pool, and in my five-year-old-mind, I thought I just got measured and I'm 4 feet tall! I'm tall enough to go there! Of course, that's not how it works. I know this now, but I didn't know it then.

So while my dad was swimming away, I climbed out, walked over to the 4-foot-deep end, and jumped in. Much to my surprise, I sank underwater like a rock.

As you may or may not know, drowning doesn't look like it does in the movies (if you don't know, click that link). There's no dramatic splashing. I couldn't get my arms above the water without sinking further. I would push my arms down to try and get above the surface of the water, get a brief gasp of air, and then I was back under. Push arms down, get a gasp of air, and then back under. I had just enough time to get that little breath before slipping below the surface of the water again; there wasn't time between breaths to call for help.

Fortunately for me, my dad noticed right away what had happened and quickly swam to my rescue.

Once my parents had bought a house and we finally settled into the area, I was enrolled in after-school swim lessons. I'm sure that decision was completely unrelated to the events that happened at the condo and they had been planning it all along.

It still amazes me when I meet full-grown adults who don't know how to swim. I remember back in high school at a weekend camp when we discovered one of our friends didn't know how to swim. We wanted to go swim in the deeper part of the lake, which required we pass a simple swim test under lifeguard supervision. Our friend tried to back before reluctantly admitting she couldn't swim. After giving her healthy crap about it (because teenagers), we taught her how to swim and had her dog-paddling around the shallow end before dinner.

Seriously, if you never learned to swim, it's never too late. You can find adult swim classes online, or just find a friend to teach you. You never know when you could be at a backyard BBQ and some douchebag shoves you in the pool. Or maybe you're rafting down the river and a friend pushes you off the boat.

PS. I went clothes shopping today and bought a new swimsuit that doesn't make me look completely like an overstuffed sausage, and I just wanted to brag about that.