Started from the bottom now we're...here, I guess?

I know it's been a while since I've written. I got a lot of partial drafts of things saved but haven't had energy to write in months. But I've come to a crossroads and need to sort out my head.

I'm losing my job. Sort of. My company lost their contract with the facility I work at. I've been offered a new position with the new company stepping in to take over. This means I lose all my seniority and benefits with my old company and have to start over from scratch. I really love my current company and being forced to leave sucks. It's very frustrating and there's been a lot of crying and freaking out about it.

It makes me feel like a failure. Last year after my rent kept increasing, I had to downgrade between renting my own home to renting a room in a house with roommates, and losing the independent feeling I had living on my own. I've been single for months, choosing to focus on my career instead. Now, that's going down the drain, and I'm left trying to grasp for something meaningful in my life and coming up empty. It feels like everything is falling apart around me and no matter what I do, I just slip backwards.

But I've been here before. Facebook kindly reminded me recently that three years ago, I was recently divorced, pseudo-homeless living out of a motel on North First Street in a city where I was alone and knew no one, starting a career in a completely new field I had no prior experience in. I had no money as I'd drained my savings to make the move work, and my car had broken down on the drive over the mountain pass and was off in the shop for weeks. I was starting over with almost nothing, alone, and admittedly terrified.

Things aren't quite as dire, and I keep trying to keep that perspective. I have a functioning car and a semi-permanent residence. There isn't as much money as I would like in my savings, but I'm not flat broke riding on credit either. I've gotten three good years of experience in my new career, and I have a second income with the same type of work to back me up. I have good friends both in work and outside of work.

So, I can do this. It feels like I'm starting over, but I need to keep reminding myself I've been through worse. I might be hitting a reset button on the job, but I've still made progress in other areas of my life. This is just another chapter in a very long book, and I can get through it.

In the meantime, I am currently accepting all positive thoughts and vibes as I wade through this transition.