For some reason, big changes in my life always happen in August. Late August or early September is the traditional start of school years. August was when I quit the first job I ever had to take on a better job as part of a team reopening a luxury resort. August was when my ex-husband left me. A year ago, August was when I got a job offer, moved across the state, and had my car break down 500 feet from the top of Snoqualmie Pass during my move.
This August facilitated more change. I left my first serious boyfriend since my ex-husband. It was hard and heartbreaking. I didn't want to hurt him. But our relationship had run its course. Our life plans have different directions. I want something, and he wants something different, and it was inevitable for things to finally end.
I'd left other guys before, but never like this. Either they were losers who I had no issues with leaving, or I physically moved from the area and left them behind, staying friends with them. This was different. This was a serious relationship; our one-year anniversary would've been early September.
I spent weeks wracking my brain, trying to figure out how to let him down nicely. Being still fairly new to town and having met him shortly after I arrived, most of my friends I had locally were through him. I was terrified of losing him as a friend as well as all the other friends I had made.
Then I realized that I was selfish. It was not fair to him to stay just for the benefits, without my heart in it. I had to accept the consequences. I could hope all I wanted, but ultimately it would be his choice. It was terrifying, the idea of not being in control, but it was the right thing to do.
He took it well. I'm not sure exactly what sort of future friendship could look like at this point, as he is taking much-needed space to process, whether he shows it or not. I'm giving myself some time and space as well. Surely it hurt him more, but I still feel pretty awful about it, even if I know I made the right choice.
Why do these things always happen in August?
You are being true to yourself and honest and respectful to him. I know that doesn't make it hurt less, but you're still awesome, August and every month!
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