Thank you, mystery shitter

Back when Iron Man came out, I went to the Alderwood Mall to see it in IMAX, because that was the closest IMAX to Bellingham at the time (now Bellingham has its own IMAX). It was a bit of a drive and I gave myself a lot of time because the traffic can get really bad. Surprisingly, I hit almost no traffic, so I was there early with time to eat lunch and wander the mall before the film.

I forget what I ate for lunch, but it passed through me quickly and with a vengeance, and I needed to drop a deuce desperately. I knew it was going to be wet, smelly, and noisy. I ducked into a busy public restroom, head down, bracing for the shame that was about to befall me.

As I prepared to release something horrific into the porcelain bowl, a mystery savior came in the form of someone in the stall opposite me, who apparently had eaten at the same lunch spot.

Mystery shitter: "Oh, oooooooooh, oh God why?" *ppbbbbbt*  "OOOOOOOOH!"

I do not know who they were, but their cries of despair covered up the sounds coming out of my own stall as I released as quietly as I could.

I don't know who you were, mystery shitter. I am sorry for your plight, but you saved me, and for that I thank you.